Mom slept in my bed for hours and hours earlier and didn't leave until 6:30am. Now I can't get to sleep and it's really annoying. I have to go pee now so I'm going to do that and hopefully sleep after. I hope I can get to sleep.
I just got back from the bathroom. It's almost 10am now and I still haven't gotten to sleep yet. I'm listening to Children of the Corn as an audiobook right now in hopes it'll help me get to sleep.
I'm really lonely. I wish I had someone to hold me. Maybe I would sleep better if I were in their arms. It would be cute if they just rambled to me about their day and the things they like until I fall asleep all comfy in their arms. It would be nice. We could share a blanket. I want to hold them like a teddy bear and squeeze them tightly in my arms. We could keep each other warm when it gets cold and wear matching jackets and I could cling to them whenever I need. I don't have that. I don't have any friends or relationships and I don't go out or talk to anyone. I'm tired now. I hope I fond someone one day. Being lonely makes me sad. I don't want to be alone forever. I'm afraid to talk to people. They probably don't like me. I wish they liked me. Why don't they like me? It sucks. I have no friends. I don't know how to make friends. I can't tell when I'm friends with anyone. I have to wait for them to say we're friends for me to know. Even if they say it they don't always mean it. I'm on the outside. They always do things together. They're always closer. Never to me. They don't get close to me. I'm on the outside. I'm just there. I'm never invited or considered. I just exist sometimes. I'm never in the main group. I hate being alone. I'm tired. I think I'm going to bed now. Good night. I want to sleep. I hope I wake up well-rested. I want to tell someone I love them before bed, but I have no one. There's someone I want to say it to but if I did it would be embarrassing. I think I like them. Theyre nice. I get jealous when they like someone else. It makes me wish it were me. It makes me want to cry and I know I can't tell them about it. It makes me nervous but I just ignore it. Sigh. Good night. I love you journal. I hope you sleep well.
I just got done doing some yard work. It's around 8pm now. I would've done more, but it got too dark to continue. I'm a bit hungry now. I might get some coffee since I haven't had any yet today. I'm not entirely sure what I'll get to actually eat, though. We have cinnamon french toast sticks so maybe I'll get some of those.