Sorry for the absense. Things were nice, but I'm no longer well. My boyfriend broke up with me and I've been dealing with horrible anxiety ever since. It's been maybe a couple weeks now and I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm blocked everywhere and he didn't want to talk about it even though I tried to push for a proper dialogue about what happened. I miss him and I would do anything in my power to fix things. He wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my friend. I've taken up listening to subliminals because maybe they'll help somehow.I really hope they'll help. When we tried being platonic back at the beginning of the relationship I had, I listened to subliminals and they worked. Surely they'll work this time too. Maybe they just need a little more time to work. I've got a good feeling about New Years. Also, this magic 8 ball app I have keeps saying things are either unable to be predicted or will have a positive outcome so I'm sure things will turn out okay. I wouldn't have the feeling that reconciliation has to happen if it wasn't meant to happen. I'm sure this is just a little hiccup and when we meet again, things will be okay and we will have a stronger understanding and better communication and everything will be okay. I mean, I messed up a friendship once and after we had a heart to heart between the group, everything was okay again and the friendships were stronger than before. Also, I keep seeing signs that he'll come back I swear it. I hate to admit it, but I havve spilt blood towards this cause. Sometimes that little push is needed. Also, with the intense focus it takes me, it eased my anxiety temporarily. Please know that I don't do this kind of thing often. Maybe once a year. Actually, the last time I did something like this was around this same time last year, shortly before I got Covid. That was for different reasons, though. I don't remember why I did that then.
I think I'll try and get back to packing my room today. I've been too anxious to do anything about it lately, but I'm feeling pretty okay today. I have a list made to stay on track. Since I've already paid my phone bill and been productive in that way, I might as well make today more productive. If I'm feeling extra good, I'll even take a shower. For now though, I think I'll draw a bit while I wait for my earbuds to charge.
11:11 Please forgive me and be my friend again
Things are going south. I'm trying not to get emotional over this so I don't have any dumb reactions. I miss him so much. I just want things to be right again, but he surely hates me and doesn't want anything to do with me. I just want to apologize, but he doesn't want to listen. I don't know how to make things okay